i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
