If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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