We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm too high and old for this...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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