Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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