I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
