Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
