He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
