now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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