forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
