Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
