i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
