So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
