He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
