i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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