i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
