I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im about as happy as oj after his trial
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
