I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
