Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
