I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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