just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
