he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
