He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
