70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
