She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
