Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just want nice things and good sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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