i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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