I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't turn off my feet"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
