haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
