I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
