Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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