curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
