i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
