If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you win again, gameday.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How does one acquire holy water?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
