i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
