the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
