I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize