Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
