I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize