Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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