Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
