So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
