My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
