I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
