Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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