And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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