we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
