Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
