he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
