So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
