ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
