On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
