I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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