I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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