i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
