Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
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