waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I just shit out all my problems.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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