do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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