I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
