I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
