just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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