Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
