He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
