Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
