A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
