We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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