Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize