I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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