Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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