I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
