I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
